Theory of Mind and Dialectic Reasoning

Theory of Mind develops in children somewhere around the pre-school years. It is when they begin to realize that not all people know, think, and feel the same way as everyone else. It is a conversion from thinking everyone operates from the same mind to becoming aware that people all have individual minds and know, think, and feel different things. (This is also when young children figure out lying because they comprehend that others don’t know everything they are doing.) We all have times ourselves when we forget that we aren’t all of the same mind or know someone who operates off the idea that if people don’t think and feel the way they do that the others are “doing it wrong”. It goes beyond being able to sympathize (which indicates pity) or even empathize (which is more of an understanding). It often is an issue of respecting those differences without being judgmental. With fellow Christians, it is sometimes about respecting that God may be giving experiences, preparing, and/or guiding others in different ways than He is us—and not always in the direction we think the others should be going. My own experience is that God is not always leading me where I even think He is (detours can be very educational), so how would I know what He has in mind for others.

This also becomes an issue when groups come together to resolve issue. There are two approaches. One is to make it a debate with winners and losers and determining that some people are right and others are wrong. That is not an effective way to resolve issues and work out problems. Dialectic Reasoning proves to be an excellent strategy because it does not settle for token respect to other opinions, but actively seeks them out. If you truly want to create solutions, you need to know everything about the group involved. Differences in background of experiences and knowledge bases gives people perspectives that you may not have. We must also develop a deep admiration for the fact that people with differing opinions can be just as passionate and caring about the problem as we are. In order to reach a consensus that works for the largest number of people, we have to understand all those differing perceptions. Then we can either settle on reasonable compromises, or better yet, be creative in developing new solutions. We can all look at different groups and see where focus needs to shift to solving problems rather than “winning” and forwarding self-interests.

I pray that we can all develop hearts for those with different opinions and understanding their perspective in developing those opinions. I also pray that we can come together then, each balancing that respect and understanding of our differences with whatever each of our areas of expertise is to create plans that are effective.