Changes in life and new stages of life can be hard. Although it is my nature and self-expectation to always be joyful and positive, I am learning that it is okay to allow myself to feel sad briefly. In my ideal little world, my kids and all my friends’ kids were going to grow up, have their own little families here, and the get-togethers would continue and grow even larger and more fun. This is one of those cases where expectations did not happen and it is okay to grieve for that loss and then move on. Being an only child means all my family is older and we are gradually missing family members as years go on and this is also difficult.
I share all this to prepare and suggest mothers develop some outside interests that they can pursue as their children grow up. A real key for me also is to spend time with the Lord daily, developing an attitude of gratitude, seeking my joy from that source, and listening for opportunities of service so I can focus outside of myself. While I loved pursuing my interest and passion for education by working toward a doctorate, I don’t see that as a cost effective distraction at this point. I have always liked cooking for big parties and groups, which gave me an outlet for living with a strictly meat and potatoes man. My outlet will be trying recipes with a little for me to eat and my husband to try (maybe he will like something) and taking food to 3-4 people/families who could use meals for a variety of reasons. I may also pursue doing some sewing and other crafty things I enjoyed.
I guess my approach to peace about the empty nest and the occasional underlying sadness is threefold: 1) develop deep roots of joy and a thankful heart with God’s help while taking time to listen to needs of others that He plants in my heart. 2) focus outside of myself on needs of others and things I can do for them. 3) start finding things of interest and trying them and doing things I know I enjoy, but haven’t done for a while.
The cooking efforts sound fun! I have been enjoying them over on the right-brain blog.
ReplyDeleteI suppose I am at the other end of the spectrum. With three young children I have almost no time to devote to any non-mother/housewife activities. So right now I am just developing interests, gathering materials, and storing them in my closet until I have time to actually use them!
Remember you don't always have to be Suzy Sunshine. We will still love you if you feel more like Sad Sally now and then.
It is a phase of life I really can't fathom now but know it is inevitable. Honestly it sounds like serving others while indulging your own interests is the best combination. Especially when you throw some God in the mix!