Seasons

I like seasons--even winter for a variety of reasons. Variety is one of the reasons. I enjoy the changes. Even though perfect mid 70's weather everyday has its appeal, I think I would not only get bored with it, but take it for granted. This leads to the second reason I appreciate change: appreciation. Weather that is not as fun makes you more aware of and thankful for those gorgeous days, beautiful blue skies in so many different shades, fluffy clouds, and refreshing breezes. But there is another more philosophical reason that I love seasons.....

I see seasons as an analogy for what our life should be.....not on a 3 month rotation, but at least within the week and even daily.

I think most of us are stuck in summer, going full speed ahead, doing everything we can possible do. We cannot realistically keep this pace, and the quality can suffer without the other phases.

We need to move to fall, as a cool down and prelude to winter. Just likes it not good to stop hard exercise without cool down, we need to phase out of full speed to the slower pace on a regular basis.

Ah winter, except for ice storms with loss of electricity for days and dangerous roads, it has its own charm. This season represents more than any what we probably lack in our lives--rest and reflection. Without rest and reflection, we do not learn from or fully appreciate experiences. I look at bare trees and know they are resting, storing nourishment, and preparing for the next, and possibly most glorious of seasons. Perhaps this should be an analogy for quiet prayer and devotional time that we have trouble "squeezing in" sometimes. This prayer and ponder/rest and reflection should be a priority.

If we are using the rest and reflection, we can get so much more for the next season, which is spring. Using gained wisdom can help us see and enjoy new opportunities and possibilities that we might not see or feel ready for.

Next time you are feeling down due to dreary skies and cold weather, ask God to help you use seasons as a way to live life to its fullest and to His plan.

Heart Breaking News

Refer to my July 9th post as a background to this sad news about twins who had been in foster care with a family who wanted to adopt them for almost 2 1/2 years--since infancy. They had started scattered visitations over the last several months with parents who have made a multitude of seriously poor choices in their recent past. Details would help you see how bewildering it is that they have been now returned to their mother without visitation to the only extended family and friends they have known, trusted, and loved for their whole lives.

I pray that we continue prayers for the welfare of these girls by praying that if they are going to be with biological parents--that these parents will be loving and responsible and have the necessary support to do so. I also pray for the foster family's grief and worry for these girls. Please help with these prayers and that IF it becomes necessary for them to go back into the "system" that they will return to the family they are familiar with.

I'm Thankful for....

First and foremost... that God loved us so much that he wanted to better understand us by having the human experience through His Son, who showed us by example how to treat others before He made eternity available to us with His sacrifice.

I am thankful for … a husband who I cannot say enough good things about. He has always been a better spouse to me than I am to him. He has been the “wind beneath my wings” for over 35 years. May sound too mushy, but the truth very simply.

I am thankful for … 2 wonderful, kind, caring, and funny daughters who are so competent with and committed to what they do

I am thankful for … 3 precious grandchildren and one yet to come as well as a son-in-law that is a devoted husband and father

I am thankful for … parents who loved me, were proud of me, and believed I could do whatever I set my mind to, as well as their characteristics I have tried to learn: compassion and soft-heartedness from my mother and determination and self-confidence from my dad.

I am thankful for … Christian examples, love, and support from grandmothers, aunts, and uncles, in-laws, nieces, nephews, and great nieces and nephews, as well as the opportunity to see my daughters (two from birth and one bonus) and friends’ children to develop faith that assures me they will always be in God’s care.

I am thankful for … a faith that has grown over the years and the difficult times which forced that growth that probably would not have happened otherwise

I am thankful for … so many wonderful friends who are like the sisters I never had.

I am thankful for … a church family that is motivated by loving and caring for one another in its missions

I am thankful for … many neighbors who have become friends

I am thankful for … co-workers who I learn from every day and have such great respect for

I am thankful for … a beautiful world and all the living things we enjoy, as well as the variety of seasons and the life lessons there—live life to the fullest(summer), wind down (fall), rest and reflect (winter), and then open yourself to new possibilities again (spring)

I am thankful for … material blessings which I do not wish to prioritize, but certainly must acknowledge

I am thankful for … my health which in spite of my not taking adequate care of myself and some minor problems, is not too bad and I am still able to help others when needed

I am thankful for … beautiful flowers of all colors, birds at the feeder , herons and our ducks (even ranting Donald) in the lake, and our hawks in the air, as well as turkeys, deer, chickens, and even cows that wander into our yard on occasion

I am thankful for … words and their power in sharing thoughts, feelings, and ideas

I am thankful for … our country and the freedoms, responsibilities, and blessings that come with it

I am thankful for … my own 57 years of life, love, and learning

I am thankful for … organizations who represent and serve those with needs, such as the respectful appreciative meeting of needs for our elderly, education of young children and their parents, support that improves the education of children with special needs, and work for those youngsters in neglectful or abusive situations

I am thankful for pets--ours in particular who have brought me pleasure, but are truly therapuetic for Stan. Over the years, we have had Strider and briefly brother Bilbo, Missy, dear Abbie, and currently sweet Maggie. They have all had their own unique, but lovable personalities. Even one of several barn kitties who are generally pretty aloof sought love and attention and wormed his way into our hearts (Sancho). Pets are one of God's gifts to us.

And again for God, who is always there for me

Blue Like Jazz -- my review --Part Two

I love books like this that spark my own thought process and take me back to the basics of my faith. I just finished Chapter 9 where the author is trying to merge who he really is with the cliched Christian he feels he had become at the time.

His ah ha moment--making something he knew more clear and intense in purpose--is realizing that God's purpose for him is telling the news to those who don't know because that is the only thing that saves mankind. Government cannot save mankind and neither can people save themselves. He also sees with more clarity that everything from unkindness to depravity in all forms is the seed of the evil one. He refers to "Satan lashing out at the earth like a madman". The results of this are reflected in warring tribes; the raping, abusing, and even murdering of wives, daughters, and babies instead of defending them; and putting greed for power or money above being fair and meeting needs of human beings.

My own thoughts branch off from that. We often speak of people who do horrible things as evil. I often have to remind myself that these people are children of God (just like me), who He loves and wants to bring into the fold (as much as he does me). We need to keep perpetrators as well as victims in our prayers. We need to not be so elitist in thinking our sins or sinful thoughts are less an afront to God. We need to remember all of us were born into different circumstances, and many of us were blessed with a more accessible pathway to God. Our job is to be a witness of the love of God and leave the judgment between God and each individual.

Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller

I have just started reading this book and just finished chapter 3. I highly recommend it already --partly because I am reading it due to many other recommendations. It is a very easy read and I can relate to the ah ha moments this writer has about faith--like the Convergence of Thoughts title of this very blog.

In chapter 3, he is seeing the correlation between the features of setting, conflict, climax, and resolution and our faith journey. We respond to literature with these elements because we experience them personally and were built to do so. He also tells a story he heard of Navy Seals going into rescue hostages who would not leave with them because they did not trust them. One of the Seals removed some of his gear and got down on the floor to comfort and hold one of the terrified hostages until they realized they were friends and Americans.

As God became man, he showed his love and concern by wanting to have and better understand the human experience and show us by example how to love one another. I think we sometimes forget the importance of these two reasons for His visit. It was not JUST to die on the cross for our sins so we could have eternal life. The sacrifice in order to better understand us and His actions toward other human beings taught us important lessons about LOVE while he was here.

How to Defeat your Giants

My prayer group is finishing Max Lucado's Facing Your Giants. Every chapter has had a good message--relating God's faithfulness to the ups and downs of David's faith journey. The Giants in the title relates literally to Goliath, but figuratively to anyting in our life that wears us down and ultimately pulls us away from trusting and depending on God. Lucado shows us the analogy between how David successfully defeated Goliath and how we can do the same with our giants.

Lucado is such a word smith too that you come away with such memorable quotes. Here is how he builds this analogy with a hand to help you remember the five steps to defeating your giants.


1. PAST Start with your thumb. Remember all the ways God has given you strength, guidance, and the help you needed. David only took 5 stones because he trusted God and didn't need a truckload.
"Write today's worries in sand. Chisel yesterday's victories in stone."

2. PRAYER See the deep valley you go through to get from your thumb to your index finger. In my own experience, I have found that sometimes we go through valleys that force us to learn to pray.
"Let it remind you of David's descent. Before going high, David went low; before ascending to fight, David descended to prepare."

3. PRIORITY The tallest finger reminds you that God is the priority.
"Focus on giants--you stumble. Focus on God--your giants tumble."
You focus on bringing God the glory when you defeat your giant.
"See your struggles as God's canvas. On it He will paint His multicolored supremacy."

4. PASSION The ring finger reminds you of passion. Thinking and praying about the problems is just the start. You have to attack.
"David ran, not away from, but toward his giant."
If you have ever read Dave Ramsey's book about how to attack financial problems, you know this is another example of solving a problem--not by just prayer, but by focused and passionate assertion.

5. PERSISTENCE Perhaps another reason for David taking 5 stones was that Goliath had 4 other family members also great in size. He knew if they came to his defense, he would need a stone for each of them--no extras. He would not run or give up, he would stay with it until it was finished. This little finger will remind you that size has nothing to do with it.

What is your giant?

Respectful Debate

In this time of differing opinions, lets remember:

Jesus honored the dignity of people whether he agreed with them or not. Power smothers love. Politics draws lines. Jesus's love crosses lines. Love and humility must be part of activism.

This is either a paraphrase or quote and I'm not sure who it came from, but I'm guessing Philip Yancey.

Quotes of the Day

1. Let me preface this quote with my own opinion that God often allows painful things to happen, but seldom causes it. No matter how we find ourselves in a painful position, God can use it to our improvement and benefit in His will.

"Something painful happened to me. This is how I met it. I was quiet for a while with the Lord, and then I wrote these words for myself:
First, He brought me here. It is by His will I am in this strait place: In that fact will I rest.
Next, He will keep me here in his love, and give me grace as His child.
Then, He will make the trial a blessing, teaching me lessons He intends me to learn, and working in me the grace He needs to bestow.
Last, in His good time, He can bring me out again--how and when only He knows. Let me say I am here first, by God's appointment; second, in His time; third, under His training; and fourth, for His time."

Dr. V. Raymond Edman, late president of Wheaton College

2. And along the same lines:

"The flame shall not hurt you
I only design
Your dross to consume
And your gold to refine."

From the hymn: How Firm a Foundation

QUOTES OF THE DAY

1. "Children spell love with four letters: T-I-M-E."
From Facing Your Giants by Max Lucado

2. "Power, no matter how well intentioned, tends to cause suffering. Love, being vulnerable, absorbs it. In a point of convergence on a hill called Calvary, God renounced one (power) for the other (love)."
From The Jesus I Never Knew (one of my all-time most clarifying books about who Jesus was) by Philip Yancey

The Less Serious Me

If your looking for something a little more light hearted, see my blog listed at the right (Sidetracked by my Life). I refer to these as my fun and serious blogs. My daughter calls them my right and left brained blogs.

These pictures will make you wonder.

Lucky for them we were shooting with cameras

Done without a single injury

Someone needed to teach them to crow and cluck

Mary, Mary, quite contrary, How do your brussel sprouts grow?

A loner or ostracized?

Tired and guilty

Why all the squawking, Hawk?

Pray for and Act on the Behalf of Young Children

I am becoming more and more aware of cases where young children in foster care are not being appropriately considered in placement. Too many times, with little to no consideration to what is best for the children, they are returned to biological parents who have demonstrated poor choices in every aspect of their lives with little to no evidence of any improvement in those judgment skills. In our state, many cases have come to light recently where biological parents proved in fatality causing behaviors to not have instincts to protect and care for their own children.

Not only are many judges prone to favor reunification of the family, but our own state laws lean in that direction. Here are some cases I have been personally aware of in the last several years.
In cases where divorces occurred due to dangerous and/or inappropriate behaviors, one little girl at the age of 3 described "games" her daddy made her play with him. The courts felt she didn't know what she was talking about (how could she have made up this detailed stuff???) and ruled he should continue to have unsupervised and overnight visits after the divorce. In another case, the father had been hospitalized for mental illness with a history of alcohol abuse. Psychologists testified that he should not have unsupervised visits, but his little girl is grown now and can remember being left in a truck, locked in the parking lot of bars late at night. Not only that, but he was known to always keep a loaded gun in that truck.

More recently, there have been a couple of acquaintance situations involving unmarried parents with severe drug related problems that often landed them with rotating sentences in and out of jail. In one case the out of state aunt and uncle had custody of the 1 and 4 year old while both parents were in jail. After they were out, the kids went back immediately and inspite of social workers reporting drug paraphenalia out in view in the home, the foster aunt and uncle could not get them back. (Crossing state lines complicates things further) The odd ending to that story is that the kids' father was killed in a car accident while under the influence, and the mother moved back to where her sister and family (the foster aunt and uncle) live and cleaned up her act after moving in with them for a while and getting a job. She sites being away from the influence of the people she was "friends" with as being the key for breaking that cycle.

In a current case, the unmarried parents are no longer together and the mother is having her 8th baby out of wedlock while having a drug problem. Two year old twins have been with a foster family since birth and have bonded with not only the parents but extended family and friends. The father, who has a drug history, no job, and living with friends in a tiny trailer has recently emerged and wants the kids now. This judge is said to have a hisory of always favoring biological parents. Letters have been written requesting consideration be given to the needs of the children (rather than biological or foster parents) and what the possible ramifications of this change at this time in their life would have on them long term. Concerns mentioned to the judge also include the need (if there is unification) for the state to educate, support, and supervise these parents as they deal with what is sure to be a difficult transition for the kids as well as long term costs into the next generation and beyond if the kids are not properly guided and do not become productive members of society. (It doens't hurt to point out possible future costs to the state) This judge apparently is reviewing the case again as a result and has instructed supervision to focus specifically on the level of bonding between this newly appeared father and the foster parents. I respect him for this reconsideration.

Please keep this current case and the thousands of other unnamed children going through this situation in your thoughts and prayers. Seriously consider writing letters to state legislators and judges. Check for ways you can help with local agencies that provide support as court appointed special advocates (CASA) or other ways to support and fight for these children. We need to show Christ's heart by being His eys, ears, hands, and feet.

Life Changes

Changes in life and new stages of life can be hard. Although it is my nature and self-expectation to always be joyful and positive, I am learning that it is okay to allow myself to feel sad briefly. In my ideal little world, my kids and all my friends’ kids were going to grow up, have their own little families here, and the get-togethers would continue and grow even larger and more fun. This is one of those cases where expectations did not happen and it is okay to grieve for that loss and then move on. Being an only child means all my family is older and we are gradually missing family members as years go on and this is also difficult.

I share all this to prepare and suggest mothers develop some outside interests that they can pursue as their children grow up. A real key for me also is to spend time with the Lord daily, developing an attitude of gratitude, seeking my joy from that source, and listening for opportunities of service so I can focus outside of myself. While I loved pursuing my interest and passion for education by working toward a doctorate, I don’t see that as a cost effective distraction at this point. I have always liked cooking for big parties and groups, which gave me an outlet for living with a strictly meat and potatoes man. My outlet will be trying recipes with a little for me to eat and my husband to try (maybe he will like something) and taking food to 3-4 people/families who could use meals for a variety of reasons. I may also pursue doing some sewing and other crafty things I enjoyed.

I guess my approach to peace about the empty nest and the occasional underlying sadness is threefold: 1) develop deep roots of joy and a thankful heart with God’s help while taking time to listen to needs of others that He plants in my heart. 2) focus outside of myself on needs of others and things I can do for them. 3) start finding things of interest and trying them and doing things I know I enjoy, but haven’t done for a while.

Leadership

Most of us have had experiences being led and leading. Even if we haven’t studied official titles for leadership styles, we could probably not only describe the various styles—but give accurate opinions on how effective each type is. Parenting styles can also be related to leadership styles. Without going into all the letter names, let’s just say the leadership types fall along a continuum. One end is the leader who is primarily concerned about himself and maintaining his authority. The other end is one who plays the servant-leader role—putting the primary concern on what is best for those he serves and supporting and providing for the needs they have to carry out their responsibilities.

The servant-leader role can be compared to the “shepherd” word used so often to describe Jesus. In order to fully understand the significance of Jesus being described as a shepherd, we need to understand the difference between western hemisphere shepherding that we are familiar with (if we are familiar with shepherding at all) and the eastern hemisphere shepherding. The eastern hemisphere definition would be what scriptures refer to. In our half of the world, sheep herding styles are primarily prodding, yelling, and use of dogs to keep on track. In Jesus’ time and in His part of the world, sheep herders lived with their sheep for periods of time, developed a truly caring relationship for them, provided for their needs, and protected them from danger. At night, the sheep would go to a sheepfold (an area fairly protected from danger except at the entrance). The shepherd would sleep at the entrance to protect his sheep from predators. Once I understood what the eastern style was, the scriptural comparisons to Jesus became a beautiful explanation of His love. I feel it gives a depth of understanding to the effectiveness of the servant-leadership role that is helpful to consider.

Hot Button Issues

Nothing seems to bring about judgmental attitudes in people like hot button issues of the day. At this time, same sex relationships and abortion are two of those hot button issues. It seems that extreme behaviors on both sides of the issue bring out the worst reactions in the opposing sides. If we can keep in mind that Judgment is to be reserved for God, perhaps we take some heat out of the argument. There is a fine line between loving the sinner and hating the sin (and determining what that is). It is also critical to remember that we all are sinners and that any sin is a sin against God and not worse than another. Does it make us feel better about our own sin to point at others as being more of an abomination?

We have been exposed to GLBT gatherings in family parks where shirts with double entendre park slogans and demonstrative PDA that would be inappropriate between anyone in a family park were overwhelming. I also recently read a Facebook post using very derogatory terms for this group of people—not their behaviors. It seems both sides are behaving badly. I see and hear Christians behaving in unChristianlike ways—saying and doing hateful and hurtful things to others who are also loved by God. Jesus did not show hatred or act hateful. He showed love. We are to show love and pray for people, while God deals with guiding their behaviors and making judgments. It is possible that we don’t completely understand the feelings of others or know the mind of God?

Women who have had or are deciding on abortions also need to be shown love while they recover from and make such decisions. There are many reasons, motivations, and scenarios that can put a woman in this position. They are not all irresponsible after thoughts about birth control. If a person highly opposed to abortion can think of one scenario that might be hard for them not to consider it, perhaps they can develop a mind for what women go through. Christians should wish for strong enough faith in God and his planning to know that He would be with us and could use for good any scenario. Our faith is often tested. The scenario that would have tested me would have been having very young children while in a dangerous pregnancy that several highly respected professionals concurred would kill me. Making the choice to not have an abortion would be choosing to abandon my young children who were already here and desperately needed me. I’m glad this did not happen to me because I’m not sure I would have been (and may not be now) far enough along on my faith journey to relinquished all power in this decision to God. I can only imagine how I would have felt with fellow Christians protesting and holding signs accusing me of being a baby killer.

Christians have to stand up for their beliefs while remembering they ARE (not past tense) sinners, and our job is to show the same love God showed to us to everyone else. It is a delicate balance, which is why praying we have a heart of love, respect, and understanding with a non-judgmental attitude is important. Condemning people and behaviors we believe to be sins may repel people from God instead of turning them toward him. Only prayer for God to create opportunities and soften hearts will allow us to minister effectively. Our priority should be to affect the heart since it is akin to the soul, which is for eternity. The behaviors are a manifestation of what is in the heart and part of our worldly body. Let's focus on loving the heart of others instead of judging their behaviors.

On a lighter note

It has been a wild weekend here. We are preparing to leave on vacation and our daughter is going with us. Her 45 lb lab/boxer/(must be a smaller breed in there too) mix-- and our 85 lb black lab “puppy” will be staying here with a couple of different family/friends who will be house and dog sitting. The dogs are 14 and 15 months old, so still very much puppies in their behavior. When they first get together they are wild and only allowed outside and in the garage. Within the first hour Friday, our Maggie had a cut under her eye and down the side of her face—and the gas grill was turned over. You do the math. The garden with baby tomatoes, various veggies, and 10 in high corn had been very unbothered until Maggie and Darby started their wild random chases—blind to everything along the way. And part of the reason they don’t come into the house (besides the constant wrestling) is that we have a lake and they love the water. As they occasionally meander through the back yard, they will look up and see the lake and you can almost hear their thoughts. “WOW, there’s a lake. I LOVE to swim!” and then they go barreling down into it as fast as they can. My poor husband has been repairing grill turn overs, taking Maggie to the vet to check her cut, re-hoeing and replanting the garden, and trying to build a makeshift fence around it (as if that will slow them down). Yesterday morning and this morning turtles were burying eggs within 15-20 ft of the house, so we will see how they do with curious canines having seen them at the time. I expect our house sitters will have enough on their plate, so I hate to ask them the keep the squirrels—especially short-tailed Bob-- out of the bird feeders (they are allowed to eat off the ground) and keep the ducks away from the bird feeding areas entirely (the 9 of them would eat us out of house and home with no food for the birds left). Forget about the future of these baby turtles. God will have to be watching over them while we are gone.

Theory of Mind and Dialectic Reasoning

Theory of Mind develops in children somewhere around the pre-school years. It is when they begin to realize that not all people know, think, and feel the same way as everyone else. It is a conversion from thinking everyone operates from the same mind to becoming aware that people all have individual minds and know, think, and feel different things. (This is also when young children figure out lying because they comprehend that others don’t know everything they are doing.) We all have times ourselves when we forget that we aren’t all of the same mind or know someone who operates off the idea that if people don’t think and feel the way they do that the others are “doing it wrong”. It goes beyond being able to sympathize (which indicates pity) or even empathize (which is more of an understanding). It often is an issue of respecting those differences without being judgmental. With fellow Christians, it is sometimes about respecting that God may be giving experiences, preparing, and/or guiding others in different ways than He is us—and not always in the direction we think the others should be going. My own experience is that God is not always leading me where I even think He is (detours can be very educational), so how would I know what He has in mind for others.

This also becomes an issue when groups come together to resolve issue. There are two approaches. One is to make it a debate with winners and losers and determining that some people are right and others are wrong. That is not an effective way to resolve issues and work out problems. Dialectic Reasoning proves to be an excellent strategy because it does not settle for token respect to other opinions, but actively seeks them out. If you truly want to create solutions, you need to know everything about the group involved. Differences in background of experiences and knowledge bases gives people perspectives that you may not have. We must also develop a deep admiration for the fact that people with differing opinions can be just as passionate and caring about the problem as we are. In order to reach a consensus that works for the largest number of people, we have to understand all those differing perceptions. Then we can either settle on reasonable compromises, or better yet, be creative in developing new solutions. We can all look at different groups and see where focus needs to shift to solving problems rather than “winning” and forwarding self-interests.

I pray that we can all develop hearts for those with different opinions and understanding their perspective in developing those opinions. I also pray that we can come together then, each balancing that respect and understanding of our differences with whatever each of our areas of expertise is to create plans that are effective.

Forgiveness

Ahhh……Forgiveness. This may be one of the toughest topics we ever consider and doing it is even harder. The most important thing to know about forgiveness is that it IS NOT about the offender (who we have no control over) deserving or asking for forgiveness. It is about us (who we do have control over) and our hearts.

The number one and most obvious reason we should forgive is because God makes forgiveness available to us when we do not deserve it. In the Lord’s prayer, we ask that He “forgive our debts (trespasses) as we forgive our debtors (trespassers)”. Several scriptures indicate that we are expected to forgive IF we want His forgiveness.

In spite of that, we often need to know how it is going to benefit us to forgive someone who not only doesn’t deserve our forgiveness, but hasn’t even asked for it. Letting go of something we have no control over is better for us. It is a waste of our energy supply to allow an unforgiving heart to hold anger, and it robs us of our joy. The book, BOUNDARIES When To Say Yes How To Say No To Take Control Of Your Life by Drs. Henry Cloud and John Townsend, gives further insight. When we hold on to ill feelings toward someone who has offended us, this keeps us connected to that person and somewhat controlled by them. This is because we are wanting something from them, whether it be a confession or an apology. We must acknowledge that we have no control over them, but that we do have control over ourselves. We may never get that confession or apology, so we need to break the connection and use our boundaries in a healthy way.

When assessing the future of the relationship in general, we need to consider the intent on the part of the other person. What may have seemed a hurtful act, may have not had that intention behind it, AND that person truly may not realize that they have offended us in some way. There also may be a myriad of other underlying reasons (unrelated to the circumstance and that we don’t understand) why a person may have said or done something that was hurtful to us. We don’t always know what is going on in other areas of a person’s life. We need to be sensitive to others and not overly sensitive about ourselves. While evaluating the association, remember that the act of forgiving does not mean we must have a close friendship with this person. We need to do a prayerful reassessment of the history of the relationship and determine appropriate boundaries.

When we have been deeply hurt and have trouble letting it go, there is a specific scripture that can remind us to ask the Lord to help us bless those who curse us. It can really help put our hearts in the right place.

Recovering from Grief

Recognizing grief is the first step to recovery. We all think of grief as what we feel when we lose a loved one. This is probably the deepest of all grief. We may also be familiar with the steps we go through anticipating the loss during an illness or after the passing itself. The most common steps are denial, anger, bargaining, and acceptance. Knowing the process does not necessarily make it easier. When I lost my mother at 24 (not yet knowing that I was pregnant), my resolve was that if I was going to experience something so painful—I would grow in wisdom and faith as a result. Losing other people who I felt very close to over the years and then my dad a few months ago taught me different lessons because I was at different places in my life and faith journey.

We don’t often credit the emotions we have over other loses in our lives as grief. ANY LOSS can cause feelings of grief. Loss of a relationship and trust of a friend or spouse (especially in the case of divorce) certainly causes grief. Loss of a dream you had about your future can cause feelings of grief. Many are currently experiencing losses of retirement funds which were meant to allow some security and ability to travel and enjoy life later. Parents may have envisioned family closeness continuing as the kids grew up and had their own children only to have to adjust to much less togetherness than they had dreamed about. Others have had health problems rob them of the simple dream of continuing life as they know it. Those who have children with any kind of challenge must often adjust their dreams for their children. It is important to acknowledge these as losses that are worthy of grief and to give ourselves permission and time to grieve.

Everyone needs time and we must respect and allow each person to cope with any grief in their own time and way. Especially when two people are grieving together, they have to respect the other person’s difference in coping in order to continue to support one another. There are some things that may help. At some point, we must force ourselves to move forward, accepting that we cannot have things the way we want them. We then must open our hearts and minds to the idea that God has a marvelous plan for the rest of our lives. Also, focusing on simple daily blessings can help us refocus our lens to seeing blessings more clearly while problems blur a little. This can change our first perception of situations and help us get our joy back. There is a famous poem about a family trip being mistakenly rerouted to Holland rather than Italy. The family was so focused on what they were missing in Italy that they didn’t see the beauty that was in Holland. Finally, it is also important to be flexible and recognize that God may be clearly leading you in a specific direction, but it may not be where you think you are going. Many a detour may be part of His plan to give us some experiences and lessons we need before we go where He is ultimately leading.

Why was Jesus here?

I spent most of my life believing that God sent His son, Jesus, to die for our sins so we could acknowledge that He died to take our punishment, accept the gift of eternal life, and have a relationship with God forever. I have come to see the intense meaning for His visit prior to and beyond that ultimate act of sacrifice that none of us will ever be able to fully wrap our minds around. During His stay, He showed us, in a very hands on way, how to behave and how to treat others while living in less than charmed circumstances himself. Probably most amazing to me is that God loved us so much, that He not only gave His only begotten son to die for our sins, but to also have the human experience Himself. Living in these less than charmed circumstances allowed Him, as a man with human to human relationships, to fully experience, as we do, acts of mistreatment, prejudice, physical torture, humiliation, disrespect, and betrayal, as well as sharing pain in the lives of close friends. He loved us so much that He didn’t want to just understand from a distance, but He wanted to know first hand how it actually feels to experience some of those things. His desire to fully understand what human life is like and to show us by example how to act, adds so much more to His ultimate act of love.

The book that most affected my having a deeper understanding of God’s love and the meaning of the life of Jesus was The Jesus I Never Knew by Philip Yancey. Every book I have ever read by Philip Yancey has been full of new insights. I am currently reading his book, PRAYER Does It Make Any Difference?, which greatly influenced my PRAYER post earlier. A book of his that is very joy filled is What’s So Amazing About Grace?.

Another author I would recommend is Max Lucado. He has such an easy to read and understand writing style and relates biblical principles to things we can better understand. I have read many books by each of these authors and have never been disappointed.

Prayer

My understanding of prayer is evolving, but it seems to make sense to be reminded that God's perception of what is important and ours is different, and therefore His longterm goals for what is best for us is different. As we pray for improvement in earthly situations and physical ailments, God is ministering to our soul in light of and through those circumstances. He realizes that the earthly and physical are fleeting, but the soul is eternal. When we open up in prayer about what we need and want, we are opening the doors to His ministering to our soul and growing our faith through those situations.

On another note, praying for others and their earthly circumstances and physical ailments may not result in those problems being solved. These prayers, however, put us in partnership with God which softens our heart toward those needs, and we can then work in partnership with God by ministering to their needs, and in turn, their souls. It is like St. Theresa of Avila's prayer that we become the hands, feet, and eyes of Jesus here on earth. Without the prayer, the heart may not have been softened or the actions in line with God's purpose. Those who are in a position (either due to proximity or ability) of not being able to do more than pray should not discount their important role in praying for those who are in a position to provide hands on help.

Sharing our desires with God, even if they seem selfish and probably not important, is extemely important. I like to think of God literally sitting in my car or my kitchen with me as I chat with Him all day about my hopes, dreams, and disappointments. As Philip Yancey states in The Jesus I Never Knew,
“Power, no matter how well intentioned, tends to cause suffering. Love, being vulnerable, absorbs it. In a point of convergence on a hill called Calvary , God renounced the one (power) for the other (love).”
God wants a relationship coming out of voluntary love rather than a forced submission. We can share anything and should. Even though he already knows, it means a lot for us to want to tell Him anyway and discuss it. This allows time for the "listening" for those ideas he needs to plant in our mind WHEN we take the time to allow that.

Introduction

This blog title, "Convergence of Thoughts", could continue with "about life experiences and learning that sometimes create A HA moments and other enlightenments". I will be sharing some thoughts developed from several years of living and learning about lots of topics. As I told my dad as a teenager, who shared many of his experiences in an effort to save me time and trouble, sometimes experience is most valuable when it is your own, but maybe someone out there has had these same euphoric feelings when things seem to make sense in a new, interesting, and suddenly and obviously logical way.